do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am available for nakedness
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
