I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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