yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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