If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
