my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
