he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
