How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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