you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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