I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
