I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
