I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
