I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize