your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
