I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
