is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
