yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
