I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
