I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
