you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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