somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
