Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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