They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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