Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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