you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
