So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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