Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
