note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
