I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
