she was so not down for the gang bang
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize