I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
