I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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