I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
