was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't put those talents on a resume
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
