I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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