he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
