Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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