I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
