some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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