She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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