Your tits are I can't wait for
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
