Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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