ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
