I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
