I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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