Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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