3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He passed out mid-signature
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
