there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
