I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
