Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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