They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
