The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
