Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
