i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
