i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
