I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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