love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
