I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
