tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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