you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
