hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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