...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need to calm my uterus...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
