Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
