Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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