Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
