You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
