you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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