I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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