but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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