Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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