Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
